KIDS IN CHURCH

3-year-old Reese:
'Our Father who does art in heaven,

Harold is his name..
Amen'

~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:

'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it,

I'm having a real good time like I am.'

~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,

Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied,

'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home

and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed,

'And forgive us our trash baskets

as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they

were on the way to church service,

'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'

One bright little girl replied,

'Because people are sleeping.'

~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3,

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,

'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,

'Ryan, you be Jesus!'

~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children

when the four-year-old son ran up to him,

grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore

where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.

'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,

'Did God throw him back down?'

~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

'Would you like to say the blessing?'

'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.

'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little light-heartedness in the middle of the week. LOL

HAVE A NICE DAY

 

Couldn't resist sharing this. Reminds me of me. LOL

WHY WHY WHY

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four hundred billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes...
         why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Thanks for the above goes to my friend Harlow who sent this in an e-mail.

AN OLD FOSSIL

I found this humorous - maybe because I'm a fossil myself. LOL

(This was an email from an old friend.)

IT'S HARD TO FIX STUPID:

I rode along with a friend of mine to see his insurance agent. He wanted to get insurance for an old pick-up truck he bought to use around his ranch.

The young clerk that came out to look at the truck asked, "Wow...how old is the thing anyway?"

"It's a 1965 Ford," my friend replied, "It's a fossil."

Later, we were sitting at her desk when she said, "I'm having trouble finding the information I need. Ford only lists a Falcon, Fairlane or Focus. I can't find a Fossil."

SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT

I remember Tennessee Ernie Ford. I loved to listen to him sing back in the 50s. This old video is cute. Watch the little boy next to him. That's his son Brian.

Something to Smile and Maybe Chuckle About

NO WINE

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I too out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

'No I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food? I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping', the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time tryng to stay alive'.

Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?

'Are you NUTS'! replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, I'm not going to give you the money. Instead I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless woman was shocked. Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and probably smell pretty disgusting.

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

This was e-mailed to me by a friend. I thought it was funny.

GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER?

I remember when this song came out. I loved it. Our family laughed every time we heard it. I mentioned the song to my mother (who was the grandma). Everybody in the family called her Granny - even sisters, nieces, nephews, and even me, her daughter. She didn't think the song was a bit funny. She didn't even smile. I think she was irritated that we thought it was so funny. What made it even funnier is that she had a great sense of humor and laughed at just about every thing.  That was many many years ago. 

 

Anyway, a friend sent us a link to Christmas songs and this was on there so I clicked on it. This is a cute version of the song and I wanted to share it with you. Here is the link to the song: http://heavens-gates.com/fifties/grandmagotranover.html

MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL

Click to play

TURKEY SHOOT

Here's something fun to do. They say it is a stress reliever. I'm not sure about that, but I thought it was fun. It's a TURKEY SHOOT. Just click HERE and let the fun begin. My highest score was just over 10,000. 

I went back after I posted this and played it again and got over 12,000. I'm getting better. 

TURKEY FACTS

How much do you know about turkeys? Here's a little fun test you can take to find out how much you really do know. I'll confess I didn't do too well. The questions are pretty hard. 

Here's the link: http://home.aristotle.net/Thanksgiving/trivia.asp

SMILE